200,000 at the Vatican to hear old man talk about stuff.

Easter isn't really a big deal to me anymore. Sure, it's nice having some extra chocolate to nibble - on those boring nights in front of the telly watching a movie so dull that you can almost hear your eyes begging you to call it a night whilst your ears attempt to amplify their pleas in agreement - but that's about it. Us non-religious types are not so much celebrating Easter as acknowledging its existence, just so we can claim the holidays that come with it. I remember my younger days, when I was innocent and didn't know any better, drawing funny faces onto boiled eggs and launching (rolling, for the less violent) them down hills until there was nothing left of them except the tiny fragments of shell stuck in your tear ducts. Counting how many chocolate eggs you had received to see if you had beaten your personal record and/or your friends' totals. Those were fun times, no question. However, as with most other things in life, we mature and grow out of things becoming more aware and, in my case at least, develop more detailed and cynical views towards them. Some people choose to retain their childish mentality towards festive periods and sacrifice their intelligence and integrity.

Witnessing any religious event take place is like having a V.I.P ticket to a parallel universe and the Easter "celebration" at the Vatican was no different. To be honest, it felt like a pimped up, modernised reconstruction of Jesus' funeral. The music was bleak, the movements were slow, the people were cold and silent. Fair enough, Easter is supposed to be the [alleged] story of Jesus' death, burial and subsequent resurrection, but it really couldn't have been done in a more tedious fashion. I fail to understand the dress code for these events as they appear to have fuck all to do with anything. It's a bit like some morbid musical about a bunch of 60s bus conductors who are held hostage at a music festival which has been infiltrated and fallen into the control of the Catholic community. I paint a vivid picture, don't I? Apparently, somewhere in the region of 200,000 to a quarter of a million idiots showed up at the Vatican. I base those numbers on one source claiming 200k and another claiming a quarter of a million. Now, 50,000 is an almighty gap if you ask me. How can anyone be missing the total by such a colossal margin? Either one source thinks that 200k is a quarter of a million - in which case, the people responsible should be brought to task immediately - or whoever counted 200,000 received a random phone call from an experienced hit man, with an undisclosed motive, telling them that if they reached the number 200,000 they'd have a bullet in the head before they could say 200,001.

Less interestingly, this was the first Easter "celebration" for Pope Francis and he chose to make it as unmemorable and unspectacular as a Pope Easter address usually is. I like to think of the search for a new Pope being in the style of X-factor-like auditions with the winner being the one with the most unattainable and rediculous ambitions for the world (and the likeliest resemblance to a paedophile corpse). The reason I say that is Francis' message was as pointless and unlikely to achieve as anything else. He wants world peace, way to state the fucking obvious, Frank. He kept spewing out all these things like he was announcing what he wanted from Santa Claus this year. Things like 'the end of civil war in Syria', 'Korean disagreements to be overcome' and 'political solutions to conflicts in African countries.' That's where I question his wisdom. Well done him, he seems to have pointed out a few problems in the world. I could have fucking done that. Any ideas on HOW these tasks can be met, Frankie? It's like taking your car to the garage because the clutch is fucked and the mechanic putting on a hat and some bling before standing on a podium and announcing 'yeh, your clutch is fucked.' I know that, you prick! How exactly do you propose we fix it? Pointless.