If there is any human being alive that I really despise, I am not going to say because it's a pretty long list. However, one man is very near to the top of that list, if not quite there, and his name is Rio Ferdinand. Every time that man opens his mouth - or logs into his Twitter account which he's so fond of doing - I feel an overwhelming amount of stupidity and pointlessness putting immense pressure on my eardrums and/or brain. For someone semi-famous, this guy oozes irrelevance and idiocy.
Remember the time he went on a Twitter 'rampage' after he failed to make the England squad? I remember actively searching for a conclusive way to shut his illiterate face. He was so focused on things that didn't carry any merit, such as the racism row between fellow England defender and downie John Terry and his brother Anton, and forgot that he isn't that good of a footballer. I've never thought much of him in a footballing capacity either. When he signed for Manchester United I suppose he was half decent, but that's about all he ever was to me and clearly Roy Hogson agrees. Rio doesn't want to believe he sucks, so he blames his exclusion on other stories which were just as worthless as he is.
Anyway, let's fast forward to more recent shenanigans.
On Friday night (I think), England trounced a happily accepting San Marino side 8-0. Anyone who tells you San Marino ever stood a chance is incapable of thought. Rio was picked by Roy Hogson to be a part of the England team - not sure what he was thinking, I wouldn't have picked him for San Marino - but decided to refuse in favor of a comfy seat inside the commentary box. To be fair, I'm sure he is just as competent as a commentator as he is as a philosopher. He claims 'I pencilled in to have certain treatments, had them and I've come away to have some rest time and to recuperate and get myself ready.' In the words of Glasgow comedian Kevin Bridges, 'did ye, aye?' That means 'did you, yes?' to those who don't speak the language of cool. Is there any chance we could get Rio to pencil himself out of our lives forever and give ourselves some fucking rest time? His words are meaningless as always, we all know he did it out of spite because he is a dick.
I had to laugh at the news headlines though - 'Rio Ferdinand Blasts England Football Team'. Hahaha! Getting 'blasted' by him is like someone throwing a ball of cotton wool at you. Inconvenient, but ultimately harmless. 'Rio Sticks the Knife In'. I bet it was a butter knife made of cardboard. I assume when he uttered these next words, that I am about to quote, he was thinking about himself and decided to disguise it by pinning his thoughts onto the England team because, San Marino or not, it's hard to see the negative in winning 8-0 away from home in any sport. I'm going to show you what I mean by putting the word he really means into brackets next to the word he actually said. 'We (I) need to have a real good look at ourselves (myself). Whether it's a mental thing or if we're (I'm) just not good (intelligent) enough, that's what we're (I'm) trying to search for.'
Whatever it is Rio, I'm afraid it may be incurable.
The value he gives to Twitter and his 'followers' is nothing short of astounding. He has a lot of fans on Twitter, but then they are all just as mentally stunted as he is, if not more so. Has anyone ever been remotely curious as to what a professional footballer could type in 140 characters or less? The only thing that caught me by surprise is that any of them had enough words in the tank to take up that challenge. A game of Scrabble to them must feel like Chinese torture. Forget the fame that comes with being a footballer, these are people who, when they walk into a room, you can hear a blue-bottle puking on a dish towel. Unintelligent, unappealing and uninteresting. Rio is the cream of that crop, in my opinion. Get off of twitter, Rio, and get real.
No comments:
Post a Comment
What do you think? I won't be reading it, so knock yourself out.