My e-mail to ITV complaining about 'This Morning'.

Hello,

 I am typing this e-mail with regards to your ever popular television show, This Morning. Although I am not an avid viewer of the show, I have seen episodes in full on the various occasions when I have found myself watching daytime television with my grandmother for some reason. I feel I have seen enough of the show to be able to form an opinion such as the one I am about to share with you.

 I'm sure many people would agree that television between the hours of 10:30 AM to 12:30 PM is never going to be the most scintillating experience of one's day, but This Morning seems to take that fact for granted. I must admit that I am not one hundred percent sure of exactly what this type of show is supposed to consist of. On the other hand, nor am I sure that it's supposed to consist of the banal, tedious and, at times, downright inappropriate level of pointlessness This Morning serves up.

 Look, I am no saint, but anyone who thinks it is remotely appropriate to broadcast a lengthy and in-depth (pardon the puns) discussion on the man with the world's largest penis - not to mention having him in the studio for the whole country to behold, as well as an ultra-curious Holly - on live television in the AM hours of the day has to be quite disgusting. Do you think that my 80 year old gran, usually a fan of your show, wakes up each morning wanting to hear about some bloke's third leg? I can tell you she most certainly does not.

 That brings me to this "Sex Week" which you seem to be so fond of having from time to time. I am fully aware that sex is a perfectly natural practice. In fact, some say that 'morning sex' is the best form, but I don't believe too many of that 'some' are part of This Morning's audience. Furthermore, I doubt many viewers wish to hear about a stranger's inflamed vagina in the manner you may hope. Sure, it may attract some Jeremy Kyle fans to This Morning, but you risk sacrificing and stressing the loyalty of some of your existing fan base. Also, isn't This Morning's clientele mainly pensioners, housewives and young mothers? Okay, I will let you off with the young mums, but I can confidently state that the other two should not be in a position to be worrying about STD's. However, I do understand the importance of making people aware of STD's. What I fail to understand is the importance of how pleasurable every human being's sexual experiences are and what can be done to assist them. It's not the filthiest of shows on television, but most of the content I have questioned so far would put me off my Weetabix.

 Now, onto the "Hub." 'Why not have your say?' What a breathtakingly unoriginal and worthless concept. Obviously, in questioning the lack of originality, I accept that This Morning is not the only show on television which boasts such a concept. It is, however, one of the few which are so Twitter-heavy that it is pretty much unbearable. Like I have said previously, a very large portion of the audience is old-age pensioners. I'd say that around sixty-five percent of those pensioners don't own any internet related piece of technology and the remaining thirty-five percent don't know the first thing about it. Still, you expect them to 'follow' the show and get hash-tag silly on a regular basis. My gran asked me why her DVD wasn't showing on the TV screen the other day and I had to inform her that, in order for her chosen DVD to show on the TV, she would have to insert the disc into the drive first. She thinks she has slipped into another dimension when Phillip and company start their 'www.hashtagthis.com' nonsense. I doubt many of the housewives are as clued up on this, as we've come to expect in this day and age, either. I'm sure they are fine with web addresses, but I'm not so sure about social networking. I haven't had a re-tweet from any myself. I imagine they have far more important and interesting things to do with their time.

 From a more general stand point, there isn't much point to the "Hub" is there? My guess is that it is merely a time filler. Would I be correct? I hope so, for I cannot see it serving any other purpose whatsoever. People like to get their two-pence worth in, that's understandable because I suppose it gives them a small sense of worth. Even if it is your plan to aid them, I don't feel like there's any need for you to then forward that two-pence worth to the other viewers. Who really cares about what @Sally83, from Watford, thinks about any subject matter? The opinion of some random human is meaningless to another random human. Why would you promote something so meaningless? Maybe you're scraping the barrel, I don't know, but, judging by everything else on the show, I'd be surprised if there's anything left of the barrel itself.

 Despite everything I have said in the last five paragraphs, I would just like to state that I find the detailed chats in which victims of gang rape and heinous assaults with a sprinkle of relatives of murder victims have their noses rubbed into their respective ordeals especially entertaining and I think This Morning should push itself more in this direction. (Note, sarcasm.)

 I do not wish to cause any offence with this e-mail. If people are allowed to complain about my favourite television shows - sometimes successfully having them axed completely - then I must be free to do the same with the ones that I don't agree with.

Sincerely,

A Very Mild Rebel

P.s, could you also tell Holly to refrain from hovering around that kitchen, like a hot fart in a cold waiting room, and getting in the chef's way. It may be force of habit for her, but I get wound up by it on behalf of the chef. Also, don't encourage them to interrupt the chef with a question when he/she is in the middle of answering a previous question or explaining a part of the cooking process, which is the entire point of asking the questions and indeed the entire portion of the show itself.

Thank you.