'It's Balotelli... AguerOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!'
Am I the only one feeling slightly tortured by hearing this piece of commentary every two minutes. It's bad enough going to a break when I'm trying to beat one out to Aerobics Oz Style, but that advertisement is a total buzzkill. To me, the message sent out in that advert is 'if you watch the Premier League next season on Sky Sports, you might find out what the other commentators sound like at the point of orgasm too!' It's disturbing to think of Martin Tyler screaming 'Aguero' at the top of his lungs when reaching climax during intercourse with his wife. It must be quite confusing for her.
Saying that, those 'That Goal' segments refuse to come across much better. There are two which cought my attention in the worst possible way - the Chelsea fan talking about the final penalty in the Champions League final shootout in Munich and the Evertonian about a flukey Tim Howard goal.
The Chelsea fan is just some fat, half-cast prick that thrashes himself off thinking of Didier Drogba winning them the European Cup and, in turn, eradicating Tottenham Hotspur's chance of competing in the competition next season. The latter part is crucial in terms of how this guy is an idiot. At the end of the advert he tells us that all the Chelsea supporters began singing 'are you watching White Heart Lane (Tottenham Hotspur's stadium)' before laughing as if Satan has just begun to climb out of his mouth and his tonsils are being tickled by Satan's arse hair. Nothing is ever that funny, especially that piece of shit he calls a story.
The Everton fan makes himself look a right cunt because he can't even remember the goal he's supposed to be raving about, despite specifically talking about nature's role in the story. 'The wind took the ball. It was the wind that took the flight of the ball. Was it a goal kick or did he pick it up? Y'know what, it's difficult. When someone asks you about a goal, you can't remember.' I know what he means - you never forget the forces of nature involved in a situation, but the situation itself escapes your mind like Steve McQueen on coke.
Hat's off to you, Sky, if that doesn't keep me off Babestation I don't know what will.
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What do you think? I won't be reading it, so knock yourself out.