I'd say that during around 22 and a half hours of the 24 available each day, I don't understand human nature. Even as a homosapien myself, the things that we as people feel, do, think and say are quite beyond my mind's comprehension. Maybe I'm just thick, who knows? Every so often - quite frequently in fact - something crops up and almost forces me to destroy everything in my vicinity through sheer confusion, not knowing what else to do. These are just a few of those things which have occurred to me recently (some of which for the umpteenth time).
Beards. Whose idea was this then, ladies? Why, all of a sudden, are big, bushy beards considered the best attraction in a man? I remember a time when massive face-muffs were a trademark of the homeless; the trailer trash, the deadbeats. Unless it was ghost white, in which case they'd be Santa. Your knickers must be sodding when Christmas rolls around, girls, and not just because of that emperor vibrator you had on your list's impending arrival. I only shave when I my facial hair reaches the point where I see a complete fucking mink in the mirror. I cut it clean off and I feel instantly cleaner, fuck looking and feeling like filth. It's going to get to a stage where a man with Pikachu-coloured teeth, a gut like a half inflated spacehopper and hair which makes him look like he's been ducking for apples in a bucket of wallpaper paste is considered the pinnacle of sexiness. I suppose it would make things a whole lot easier for us men during mating season (aka, the weekend).
Speaking of fashion trends, whoever green lit the idea of rolling up every end of every item of male clothing should be shot in the eyes with a harpoon gun. It's evident that they have no clue on how to use their peepers properly. Imagine being in the room at the time the concept arose;
'I designed these stonewashed denim skinny jeans, what do you think?'
'Hmm... we've had enough of those, we need something different, something unique and awe inspiring...'
'Ummm... I know! How about we roll the fucking legs up to three-quarter length?'
'... now that is fucking genius!'
It's not just legwear though, is it? Upperbody garments are to be rolled up to fuck too. I have a theory that the cunt who came up with this abomination was a fucking pothead. Who could be more obsessed with rolling shit up than a cannabis junkie? To be fair, it's not actually the look of the items being rolled up - although the skinny jeans version does look mightily gay - but more the fact that they come pre-rolled. Some even to the point of no return. This contradicts my pothead theory, for it must be a different species of animal, or even an alien, which doesn't feel as though humans are capable of rolling up their own fucking sleeves. In all honesty, however this freakshow came to be, I would advise anyone involved with it to roll every item right up their arse because you look like a bunch of One Directioners on mushrooms.
Rant over... for now.
Speaking of fashion trends, whoever green lit the idea of rolling up every end of every item of male clothing should be shot in the eyes with a harpoon gun. It's evident that they have no clue on how to use their peepers properly. Imagine being in the room at the time the concept arose;
'I designed these stonewashed denim skinny jeans, what do you think?'
'Hmm... we've had enough of those, we need something different, something unique and awe inspiring...'
'Ummm... I know! How about we roll the fucking legs up to three-quarter length?'
'... now that is fucking genius!'
It's not just legwear though, is it? Upperbody garments are to be rolled up to fuck too. I have a theory that the cunt who came up with this abomination was a fucking pothead. Who could be more obsessed with rolling shit up than a cannabis junkie? To be fair, it's not actually the look of the items being rolled up - although the skinny jeans version does look mightily gay - but more the fact that they come pre-rolled. Some even to the point of no return. This contradicts my pothead theory, for it must be a different species of animal, or even an alien, which doesn't feel as though humans are capable of rolling up their own fucking sleeves. In all honesty, however this freakshow came to be, I would advise anyone involved with it to roll every item right up their arse because you look like a bunch of One Directioners on mushrooms.
Rant over... for now.
